Funny Retirement Quotes

funny retirement quotes

Retirement is a time for smiles and jokes, a chance to laugh about the past and look forward to new adventures.  Funny retirement quotes are like little jokes that make retirement even more fun. They bring joy to the retirement party, making everyone happy.

They’re like cool surprises that show retirement in a different way, making us all excited for the fun ahead. They add fun to the retirement party, spreading joy all around.

 Retirement quotes are like funny stories that even kids can get, making retirement seem like a big adventure for everyone. 

Funny retirement quotes are like little jokes that make retirement even more fun. They bring joy to the retirement party, making everyone happy.

Let’s read funny retirement quotes..

funny retirement quotes

Retirement Is Not The End Of The Toad

  • “Often, when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.” —Fred Rogers
  • “Retirement is not the end of the road. It is the beginning of the open highway.” —Unknown
  • “There is a whole new kind of life ahead, full of experiences just waiting to happen. Some call it ‘retirement.’ I call it bliss.” —Betty Sullivan
  • “For many, retirement is a time for personal growth, which becomes the path to greater freedom.” —Robert Delamontague
  • “Retirement is the only time in your life when time no longer equals money.” —Unknown
  • “Retire from your job, but never retire your mind.” —Unknown
  • “And in the end it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” —Abraham Lincoln
  • “You are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream.” —C.S. Lewis
  • “The key to retirement is to find joy in the little things.” —Susan Miller
  • “Retire from work, but not from life.” —M.K. Soni
  • “Don’t simply retire from something; have something to retire to.” —Harry Emerson Fosdick
  • “Retirement is wonderful if you have two essentials—much to live on and much to live for.” —Unknown
  • “I see retirement as just another of these reinventions, another chance to do new things and be a new version of myself.” —Walt Mossberg
  • “Living each day as if it were your last doesn’t mean your last day of retirement on a remote island. It means to live fully, authentically and spontaneously with nothing being held back.” —Jack Canfield
funny retirement quotes

“Retirement Is Wonderful

  • “Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” —Gene Perret
  • “The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.” —Unknown
  • “A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.” —Ella Harris
  • “When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” —R.C. Sheriff
  • “Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren’t going to get rid of me that way.” —Betty White
  • “He who laughs last at the boss’s jokes probably isn’t far from retirement.” —Unknown
  • “Retirement: That’s when you return from work one day and say, ‘Hi, Honey, I’m home—forever.'” —Gene Perret
  • “I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.” —Gene Perret
  • “Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.” —Gene Perret
  • “My father calls acting ‘a state of permanent retirement with short spurts of work.'” —Chris Pine
  • “What do you call a person who is happy on a Monday? Retired.” —Unknown
  • “When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money.” —Chi Chi Rodriguez
  • “Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” —Will Rogers
  • “My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii.” —Julius Sharpe
funny retirement quotes

Age Does Not Matter

  • “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” —Mark Twain
  • “You have to put off being young until you can retire.” —Unknown
  • “Don’t act your age in retirement. Act like the inner young person you have always been.” —J. A. West
  • “Retirement: When you stop lying about your age and start lying around the house.” —Unknown
  • “My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law.” —Jerry Seinfeld
  • “Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.” —George Burns
  • “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” —George Burns
  • “Age is just a number, but retirement is one of the greatest gifts to mankind.” —Unknown
  • “How do you know it’s time to retire? It’s when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” —Unknown
  • “When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.” —Gail Sheehy
  • “Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.” —Kitty O’Neill Collins
  • “Do not grow old, no matter how long you live. Never cease to stand like curious children before the great mystery into which we were born.” —Albert Einstein
funny retirement quotes

Say Good Bye To Tension

  • “If you look at what you have in life, you’ll always have more. If you look at what you don’t have in life, you’ll never have enough.” —Oprah Winfrey
  • “There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.” —Bill Waterson
  • “Say goodbye to tension and hello to your pension.” —Unknown
  • “Retirement, a time to enjoy all the things you never had time to do when you worked.” —Catherine Pulsifer
  • “The best part about being retired is never having to request time off.” —Unknown
  • “Retirement: World’s longest coffee break.” —Unknown
  • “Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” —Jonathan Clements
  • “You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.” —George Bernard Shaw
  • “Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing.” —Oliver Wendell Holmes
  • “It’s time to say goodbye, but I think goodbyes are sad, and I’d much rather say hello. Hello to a new adventure.” —Ernie Harwell
  • “Stay young at heart, kind in spirit, and enjoy retirement living.” —Danielle Duckery
  • “Count your age by friends, not years.” —John Lennon

“Life Is Your Artwork

  • “Life is your artwork. Create it! No one else can do it for you. You create it by seeing life, and living it to its fullest.” – Max Ehrmann
  • “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” – Robert Frost
  • “Retirement: That’s when you return from work one day and say, “Hi, Honey, I’m home — forever.” – Gene Perret
  • “Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.” – Fred Rogers
  • “The best way out is always through.” – Robert Frost
  • “You don’t stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stopped laughing.” – Michael Pritchard
  • “Don’t simply retire from something; have something to retire to.” – Harry Emerson Fosdick
  • “I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.” – Jimmy Dean
  • “And in that time of tranquility, he found many things which were good and many more which were not.” – Buddha
  • “Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • “The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes
  • “The greatest gift you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.” – Brian Tracy
funny retirement quotes

Try Again And Again

  • “To be idle is sometimes an excellent way of being busy.” – Thomas Carlyle
  • “The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.” – Unknown
  • “The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams.” – Oprah Winfrey
  • “Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.” – Samuel Beckett
  • “Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” – Gene Perret
  • “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi
  • “The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.” – Vince Lombardi
  • “You’ve got to keep willing to have your own dreams come true.” – Leonard Nimoy
  • “It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.” – Confucius
  • “You can’t cross a chasm in two small jumps.” – Sir Edmund Hillary
funny retirement quotes

“The Journey Of A Thousand Miles Begins With One Step

  • “If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it.” – Albert Einstein
  • “Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.” – William Feather
  • “There is no limit to what a man can do or where he can go if he doesn’t mind who gets the credit.” – Robert Woodruff
  • “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. So does falling in love and so does running away from home.” – Chinese proverb
  • “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.” – Steve Jobs
  • “Age is only a number, a cipher for the records. A man can’t retire his experience. He must use it. Experience achieves more with less energy and time.” – Bernard Baruch
  • “Retirement is the only time in your life when time no longer equals money.” – Unknown
  • “What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Funny Retirement Quotes
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Funny Retirement Quotes
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Funny retirement quotes are like little jokes that make retirement even more fun. They bring joy to the retirement party, making everyone happy.
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Sherazi
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